June 30, 2019
There are a few of questions that show up pretty often in job interviews. So, I figured, why not just make a blog post in which I give my answers to those questions. Hopefully this makes some recruiter's job a little easier.
What is your greatest strength?
I have mastered the art of flipping tables.
That doesn't seem like a very practical skill.
You'd be surprised.
If you were an animal, what animal would you be and why?
A beaver, because I'm very meticulous.
Hmm. Alright.
Also, I don't bite off my own testicles, but until the 12th century, people thought I did.
Wait, did people really think beavers did that?
They really did. The myth originated in Egypt. I read it on a Mental Floss article.
Huh. Okay, next question...why is a manhole cover round?
Because a manhole is round.
Why is a manhole round?
Oh, come on, you gotta admit that was — sorry. Uh, my guess is it’s because it keeps the cover from falling in; if it were a square or triangle you could turn it some way and drop it through the manhole, but not with a circle. It also makes sure there’s no “right” way to turn the cover in order to put it on.
Hmm. Okay, another brain teaser...how many tennis balls can fit inside a limousine?
Twenty-four thousand, five-hundred and seventy-six.
Wait, how —
It's just one of those things I know. I listen to a lot of podcasts.
Interesting. Moving on...what is your dream job.
Dinosaur.
That's not a job.
It is in my dreams.
Tell me about a time you exercised leadership.
I’m always the one to start the applause. Always. I start, and everyone else follows. Name any type of event, I’m the first one to clap. Concert, conference presentation, comedy show, funeral – all of it.
Hmm. Now, tell me — wait, did you say funeral?
Well, people don’t always follow. But you’ve got to be willing to take a chance sometimes. That’s the only way innovation happens.
Okay. Can you tell me where you were on the evening of Friday, February 1st?
I don’t really see what this has to do with the job, but, uh, I was in my room, in my apartment. I was eating pizza and wings and watching video essays about game design. I kind of have this weekend tradition —
Can anyone else confirm that you were there?
What? No, that’s the whole point, it’s sort of my chance to get away from people and —
So no one can confirm your alibi?
No, I – wait, alibi? Alibi for what? What are you pulling out of that folder?
Do you know anything about the building in this photo?
...
This building is a manufacturing plant that makes sports supplies – among other things, they make thousands of tennis balls every day. Do you recognize it?
I think I want a lawyer.
Answer the question.
I've nevers seen that building before in my life.
Bullshit! Between the hours of nine and eleven PM on February 1st, a massive collection of tennis balls was stolen from this building. Security cameras caught the culprit driving away in a black limousine with the stolen goods: EXACTLY twenty-four thousand, five-hundred and seventy-six tennis balls.
...
What do you have to say for yourself?
HIYA!
GAH! He flipped the table on me! He's getting away!
You'll never take me alive!
What are you two doing? Drive after him!
We can't! He's filled our squad cards with tennis balls!
Muahahahaha!
NOOOOOOOO!