June 4, 2019
It is a dark and stormy night. This is only one of several reasons that George Dunwell is very grateful to be sitting about twenty-thousand kilometers above the atmosphere, where no weather can reach him. Another reason is that, up here, he gets to see the Earth for what it really is: a rather small, rather fragile, rather insignificant ball of water and dirt and animals resting against the seemingly-infinite expanse of, well, everything else.
Another reason George is grateful to be sitting about twenty-thousand kilometers above the atmosphere, where (as you may recall) no weather can reach him, is that here he never has to worry about whether or not to pack an umbrella. In fact, he never has to worry about whether or not to pack anything at all. For, you see, George’s days of dull road trips and infuriating airport security lines of any sort are over. This is because George is one of over five million people (so far) to have spent a very reasonable $1 million to get a ticket for a Death Capsule.
In a refreshing divergence from most misleading marketing out there, the Death Capsule is indeed a capsule that is used for death. After purchasing a ticket, each passenger will be assigned a Capsule (either individual or shared depending on your preference) and be launched into a high-altitude orbit where they can spend a good ten or so hours doing zero-gravity somersaults, eating astronaut ice cream, enjoying the view, and, best of all, avoiding all that annoying weather, before they are slowly deprived of oxygen and allowed to drift off peacefully into whatever they believe comes next.
So, if you find yourself getting sick of weather and travel and umbrellas and just being alive in general, go ahead and get yourself a ticket for a Death Capsule. You’ve earned it.
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